I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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