Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
