once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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