I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
