I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
