I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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