Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
