He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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