Michael Bay diarrhea
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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