I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
