I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
