Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My cat gives me a boner
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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