You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
