you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
