): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
