I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
40s are totally the cure
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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