I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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