My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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