Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
