Where is the hickey?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
