I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
