Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize