If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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