so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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