I will die if light touches me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
