Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
