i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
