Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
did i walk over a car last night?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
