she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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