I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
