So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
