update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize