please come you make the beer taste better
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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