Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
