Do you still have your period?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
