having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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