This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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