I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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