Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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