There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
