VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
