I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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