You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
