He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
