so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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