Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
