I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
