I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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