worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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