Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
