News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize