my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
