so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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