It's like a parade of train wrecks.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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