Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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