My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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