Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
True strength comes from lack of pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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