ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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