I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
