my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
