haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to calm my uterus...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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