Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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