We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Are we still banned from the library?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
