I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
