forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's Friday. Sex?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
