if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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