Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
third nipple confirmed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
