Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
