Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
