he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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