I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
